Fifty people. Five hours. Over a month of planning. This was my 22nd birthday party.

As my friends know, I absolutely love my birthday. Every year, I try to do something lavish and fun to bring together my loved ones, from dinner parties to Color Runs and everything in between. But as May 23rd drew closer, it became increasingly clear that this year was going to be a little different. Thanks, COVID-19!

So I made the most of the situation and went to work planning the most elaborate virtual party the world had ever seen. And it wound up being my best birthday yet.

Major shout-out to Chérie, the gregarious goddess who helped me moderate the event!

I thrifted my romper online for only $25! Super cute piece that got lots of compliments from my guests.

Planning

I started planning my birthday party about a month in advance by creating a Facebook Event. A good handful of people RSVP’d right away and I followed up with my close friends over text if they didn’t respond within a few days. Reminders are key. If you want people to show up, you need to bug them several times, especially since it’s easy to ignore or glance over things when you’re inundated with notifications. All in all, around 60 people RSVP’d — not including my pals and family members who don’t have Facebook — and about 90% of those who said they’d come popped in for at least part of the time. Pretty good turnout rate!

Goodie Bags

Ali wakes up to her goodie bag in Westchester, New York.

I know what you’re thinking: “Abby, it’s your birthday, why are you giving other people presents?!” I wanted to not only get participants excited, but also create some unifying factor for party-goers to bond over. Because I love food (and my party incorporated a cooking class), I ordered a bunch of white aprons and iron transfer paper, created a simple design online, and went to town. In addition, I included some candy, glow sticks (for the dance portion of the party), and a personalized thank you note to each guest, as well as the recipes we’d be making together. To get participants’ addresses, I just made a Google Form and linked it in the Facebook Event.

If you have the time and means to do so, I think it’s a lovely gesture to send your guests something they can use or wear during your event. Especially now that everyone is stuck at home, getting some mail is a lovely surprise! Even just a short and sweet letter is a great way to let party-goers know you’re thinking about them.

Magnolia’s goodie bag haul in Dallas, Texas.

The Guest App

One of the most fun parts of my birthday is always taking pictures with all of my friends. Well, that can’t really happen when everyone is thousands of miles apart. I took to the internet and found The Guest, a service that allows party-goers to automatically upload all pictures from a phone’s camera roll within a certain time frame. It took a little bit of nagging (again, reminders!), but overall, it was totally worth it. The app is super easy to use, and at the end of the night, I had over 60 pictures to look through. We also gave folks prompts to inspire their photography, including selfies with a cauliflower, striking a pose in their aprons, and showing off their pets.

Anna’s dog, Cookie, who lives in Queens, New York, may have partied a little too hard.

Zoom & Camera Setup

On the basic plan, Zoom cuts meetings of three or more off after 40 minutes, so I upgraded to the pro version ($15/month). I didn’t add a password to my meeting (too complicated to remember), but I did utilize the waiting room so we could quickly screen participants before letting them in. You can use other conferencing platforms — Google Meets, WebEx, and so on — but I find Zoom to be the most user-friendly and diverse in its functions, which include screen sharing, recording, spotlighting, and more.

Because my party had so many different activities, we set up webcams in four different locations around my house: one on a tripod in the kitchen, another atop the T.V. in the living room, a third in my dad’s office, and a fourth via our family iPad and an external microphone. When I wasn’t using a particular device, we’d mute it and shut the video off, as well as turn the volume all the way down. We are a geeky household: you definitely do not have to go nuts with your technology to have a successful virtual party. A webcam and your phone are more than enough!

How It Went Down

My cocktail, the Yes to Yummy! — My cocktail, the *Yes to Yummy*!

I encouraged folks to arrive between 5:30 and 6:00 P.M. to share a virtual drink with me. I made my own cocktail, The Yes to Yummy: a strawberry-lime gin fizz with homemade simple syrup. A few people made it with me, while others brought kombucha, tea, water, beers, aperol spritzes, tequila on the rocks, and wine. Once we had a decent handful of people, Chérie got a game of “Never Have I Ever” started. Basic instructions: raise a hand or thumb to be unmuted, then give a prompt to the group. If you’ve done it, down the hatch! This was a great way to get people warmed up and break the ice a little. Even my grandmothers got a chance to participate.

Around 6:15, I raised my glass to make a toast to almost fifty friends and family members who joined my party. Afterward, a few of my friends gave speeches of their own. I have some buddies with children (or who are more introverted), so I told them in advance that if they just wanted to pop in and say hi, they could do so just before the toast and leave afterwards.

Cooking Class

Shelby cooking up a storm in Fairfield County, Connecticut.

I love hosting my friends for dinner, so I decided to hold a cooking class where everyone made the same recipes together. I gave folks plenty of time to round up ingredients, and surprisingly, at least 25 people made a meal along with me! Part of mine and Chérie’s work involves teaching people how to cook, so this portion of the evening was a breeze for us. To make class more of an interactive experience, we asked participants a variety of questions and, if they wanted to answer, they’d raise a hand for Chérie to call on and unmute them. In addition, we did regular check-ins, where guests gave a thumbs up if they were ready to move onto the next step. Party-goers could also put questions in the chat box, which Chérie read out while I was leading everyone.

We made roasted cauliflower tacos with refried beans and pico de gallo, along with dark chocolate brownies for dessert. The food got rave reviews from guests and their family members; even my friends who don’t cook much did a fantastic job and were very pleased with the results. My mom said the whole meal was one of the best things she’d ever eaten!

Callie’s tacos, whipped up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, looked absolutely stunning!

In eastern Connecticut, Jessie successfully kept the tacos away from her silly tuxedo cat.

Chanel’s tacos got their close-up in Atlanta, Georgia.

All the way in Alaska, Aleah didn’t let time zones stop her from making some bomb tacos!

And let’s not forget about those brownies! I caught many folks sneaking chocolate chips or licking the bowl while they were baking.

I wonder if Giorgio’s cats, Willow and Ash, who live in Rhode Island, were jealous of this chocolaty brownie batter.

In New York City, Amanda waited for her brownies to cool while watching me assemble my tacos.

McKenzie, who lives in Brooklyn, New York, opted to bake her brownies in a circular cake pan.

Trivia

I knew that folks would need some time to digest before we moved into dancing, so I put together a 20 question trivia quiz on Google Slides with a cute free theme I found online. Chérie read out the questions, gave the group about 15 seconds to brainstorm, then revealed the answer. Everyone kept track of their own scores and at the end, we announced our winner. Round One focused on trivia about me, while Round Two covered the wide swath of subjects I’m interested in, from Phineas and Ferb to facts about U.S. presidents. It was definitely challenging, but in the end, Magnolia was crowned champion with 17 correct answers! Lauren came in second with 15, and Jeromy won Round One with a perfect score of 10/10.

A featured question from Round One. Spoiler: the correct answer was D!

Dance Party

I don't know about you, but Granny is feelin' 22.

To round out the evening, I planned an hour-long dance party. I made a playlist on Spotify, then Chérie broadcasted it over Zoom using the advanced settings with the share screen feature. It worked perfectly, no need for anyone to fumble with their phones or countdown from ten to make sure we all started the music at the same time. It was quite a workout: everyone was sweating and in dire need of a shower by the time “Dancing Queen,” the final song, came on. Nonetheless, I had so much fun dancing with my friends (and family!) all across the country. And as a bonus: no one needed to dodge a gross guy at the bar, call an Uber to get home, or navigate through a cesspool of inebriated 20-somethings.

If you’d like to listen to my playlist for your own dance party, stream it on Spotify.

The Dos and Don’ts

Do plan far in advance.

If you want to have a successful virtual party, you need to give folks plenty of time to prepare, especially if you’re doing an activity like cooking. People definitely thought I was a little crazy planning over a month in advance, but all of that backend organization really paid off. Depending on how elaborate your event is, I’d send out invitations and start brainstorming at least two or three weeks out, if not more.

Don’t force folks to stay for the whole time.

It’s important to keep in mind that we all have different thresholds for social interaction, even in the virtual world. Some party-goers may be bored and want to stay for three, four hours; others will grow tired after 15 minutes, or have obligations (children, schoolwork, Netflix) they need to get to. Plan as much as you’d like, but set the precedent that folks can come for as long or short a time as they please. Encourage guests to pop in and out, taking breaks as they need. Alleviating some of the pressure to perform will make everyone feel more at ease at your party.

Do plan structured activities.

If you’ve ever been in a large Zoom call (see: more than three or four people), you know things can get chaotic and disorganized very quickly. It’s basically impossible to have normal conversations, so therefore, having activities everyone can do together proves vital to your party’s success. Cooking, trivia, and dancing were all big hits, but you could also watch a movie on Netflix Party, do an arts and crafts project, or host a “TED Talk” night where everyone presents on a different subject. Get creative!

Don’t go it alone.

Once the RSVPs started rolling in, I quickly realized that the event would be unwieldy if I did it solo, so I enlisted the help of Chérie, my friend and co-worker. What a great call. I got to relax and lead folks through activities while Chérie moderated and handled technical stuff like muting and unmuting people, fielding questions, and spotlighting guests. Before the party, Chérie and I met twice to hash out the details so we were both on the same page when my birthday rolled around. We work very well together and the collaboration went spectacularly.

Choose someone who has a similar style to you and knows how to use Zoom with ease. Chérie and I are both very type-A and love to plan, which led to a well-organized, smooth event. I’d also suggest picking a more outgoing individual who can not only handle hours of non-stop social interaction, but also prod party-goers a bit if they’re being quiet or drifting off. Chérie is very bubbly, making her the perfect choice for the role. Your host can be your partner, family member, friend, coworker, even beloved fitness instructor: anyone who understands you and has a lot of energy.

Do mute everyone.

If you have more than half a dozen people, you must mute everyone, or else your event will be a chaotic cacophony of background noise. This is where a moderator is again helpful, since this person can call on people and mute/unmute them as necessary while you steer the conversation. Structured activities where everyone gets a turn are also a good way to ensure people talk one at a time.

Don’t make it super exclusive.

Chances are, you’re going to have some no-shows on the day of your event for whatever reason. Opening up your party to lots of people you know is a great way to make sure you have a sizable group. I’m pretty sure I invited over 100 people, but about a quarter of them never RSVP’d, and another handful had to bail last-minute or forgot. No big deal: around 50 guests still came! Don’t be shy: we’re living in strange times and folks are looking for ways to meaningfully interact with other human beings. It was really fun to reconnect with friends or acquaintances I hadn’t spoken to in a while, as well as include my coworkers, friends of friends, and friends’ partners. You could never invite this many people in real life without it costing a fortune, so take advantage of it!

All in all, this was one special birthday that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. The pandemic may present lots of challenges, but it’s also a great opportunity to think outside of the box. So if you have a celebration on the horizon, don’t call it quits just yet. With a little thought and planning, you too can throw an awesome virtual bash.

My ever-geeky father helping me get set up for the dance party.

Throwing a Virtual Birthday Party